Phony Baloney

A good friend of mine decided to become a vegetarian. No special reason, he just thought it was the thing to do. Then, like a reformed smoker, he became evangelistic about it. After a short visit he “accidently” left a package of Beyond Meat in my fridge. I’m sure he wanted me to try it and wean myself off of chops and steaks. It didn’t work, but I did examine the label. The list of ingredients reads much the same as on a sack of my dog’s food. I guess you can trick dogs into eating anything, but no self-respecting cat would ever become a vegetarian.

When my grandchildren were in high school in Seattle, they warned me that my carnivorous eating habits were harming the environment. Quoting their liberal minded teachers, they told me that growing grain for human consumption was more efficient than grazing livestock for human consumption. I could see the logic, but it was obvious their teachers knew little to nothing about agribusiness. Contrary to what big city dwellers believe, all land is not equal. When possible, farmers grow grain because they make more money. Cattle and other live sources of animal protein are raised on ground not suitable for crops. You can’t plow the channeled scablands because it is too rocky, but it provides good spring pasture for cattle.

When I explained this to my grandchildren, they countered that the very existence of large herds of cattle was harmful. They had been told that bovine flatus is a major contributor to air pollution. By that logic, city dwelling vegetarians are also detrimental to the quality of the air we breathe.

There are some who claim to refrain from eating meat on religious grounds. I researched the Christian Bible and discovered that the Apostles ate meat, so the prohibition must stem from some other religion. In much of Asia, for example, many people believe in reincarnation and refrain from killing anything because that cow merrily munching on rice plants may be their dear departed grandmother. They don’t even swat flies for the same reason, but fish provides much of their protein. It is OK to catch a fish and turn them loose in the bottom of the boat without killing them. If the fish dies from being out of the water, that’s the breaks. They become lunch. Other who also eschew killing anything eat beef as well, but they hire outcasts to process it.

Large supermarkets have a section for vegetarians and are well stocked with Beyond Meat and other products that imitate hotdogs, chicken nuggets or meatloaf. McDonalds recently came out with a processed hamburger look alike. I’m not sure what all these are made of, but they are engineered to look and taste like meat. Why go to all the trouble an expense to imitate meat? The factories that manufacture phony baloney can be more harmful to our environment then cows than graze on marginal ground.

Frank Watson is a retired Air Force Colonel and long-time resident of Eastern Washington. He has been a free-lance columnist for over 20 years.